This book was a lifetime in the making. Two years in the writing. It's an exploration of life, and urges and desires familiar to all of us. One of the biggest issues everyone has to ideal with is sex and people usually make a choice. They either follow their desires, or they don't. This book looks at the issues that arose, and the conflict of emotions I had to deal with when I chose both. But it didn't feel like that. It felt like they both chose me. Life became an exercise in understanding who I am by exploring what "lies beneath." There was no way around the exploration because of the battle for supremacy that raged between the two. The battle was inside me and what "lies beneath" reared it's head and found it's way to the surface. What was the war all about and what would become of me? I am so much more than what I feel, and much, much less than what I think. This book is my journey of continuing self-discovery as I move through the mystery of this life. In the book I explore a variety of topics. In addition to sexual addiction and the hidden world of BDSM, I look at the burden of guilt of the Catholic Church, fear, political correctness, non-judgment, love and loss, philosophy, the soul, spiritual awakening, and healing.